


I Know a Girl

by Pippinpaddleopsicopolis (Barnable)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Carnival, Circus, F/F, Fluff, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Getting Back Together, Lesbian Mai (Avatar), Lesbian Ty Lee (Avatar), Light Angst, Mai (Avatar)-Centric, POV Mai (Avatar), Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27241900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barnable/pseuds/Pippinpaddleopsicopolis
Summary: One year ago, Mai broke up with Ty Lee after she joined the traveling circus. This time, she's determined to get it right.
Relationships: Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	I Know a Girl

Mai wasn’t always all doom and gloom.

There was a time when things were different. When she was young and wore bright colors. When she smiled every day and laughed until the sun went down. There was a time when she was happy and felt safe. When she loved the people she lived with. When she didn’t know about how cruel they could be. There was a time when she was a nicer person. When she kept all her rude thoughts inside. But then she turned two and she learned how to talk and choose her own clothes and none of that other stuff seemed to matter anymore.

She was never really one for bright colors or shiny things—unless, of course, that particular shiny thing happened to be a knife in which case she was _far_ more interested in it—but then a girl came along and somehow, everything changed. She stared a little longer at the rainbows in the sky. She laughed a little harder whenever she saw that beautiful smile. But then the day came where that smile walked out the door and all Mai could do was say, “thank you”, and “good luck”, because she loved that girl too much to hold her back.

Ty Lee belonged in the circus, but it wasn’t a place Mai could ever be. Traveling around the country, following the paths of that colorful chaos, and leaving behind everything she knew. Mai preferred the calmness of her hometown, the familiarity of the open fields, and the quiet that came with being out in the middle of nowhere. But she still missed Ty Lee too. Her smile, her laugh, the way she always used to joke about Mai becoming a professional knife thrower and traveling with her and the circus.

Sometimes, Mai really regretted that she hadn’t given it a chance after all.

There was nothing wrong with her job. It wasn’t really her thing, but it was important and in the realm of business and everything she was meant to do. Plus, her parents’ building was right next to the Jasmine Dragon—the tea shop owned by her best friend’s uncle. Being able to walk over and see him made her breaks a lot nicer, even if she missed being able to turn around and find Ty Lee already sat at the counter, waiting for her to get off her shift. It was there that she looked that day. It there that she looked every day, before dropping her sharpener back into its place and turning away to grab her things.

Mai didn’t talk about Ty Lee much anymore. She liked to think of it as meant to be. A relationship never destined to last more than the few months it did. After all, they hadn’t so much as spoken more than once or twice since Ty Lee left and if it were true love, they would’ve made sure their conversations never stopped. It was that which she told herself over and over. It was that which she convinced herself and which got her through the lonely days. That, and her ridiculous best friend and his stupid gay ass.

“Cute guy?”

“What?” Zuko snapped to attention suddenly, almost dropping the teapot he was holding and blinking repeatedly. He shoved his glasses back into place, shaking his head quickly as he slid a loose strand of his dark hair back behind his ear. “Sorry, I didn’t see you come in. I was thinking about, er, ducks.”

“Ducks? You sure you’re not a letter off there?” The comment was crude and a little stupid given she knew how much Zuko liked animals, but it was completely worth it for the look on her best friend’s face. His cheeks went pink, his pale brown eyes widening in surprise. “Come on, Zuko, you know I’m just fucking with you. But I’m not stupid, either. You were watching Mr. Hotshot on his motorcycle again.”

“Was not.” The look on his face and the shifting of his gaze over to the window gave it all away. Zuko shook himself off, again toying with his hair as he slid the teapot back onto the counter in front of him and Mai sat down on her regular stool. “So, how was your morning? Anything interesting happen?”

“Oh, yes.” Mai nodded, reaching out the moment Zuko began to pour her usual tea. He slid it over to her, leaning against the counter on his elbows. “Filed all kinds of exciting paperwork. And if that wasn’t enough, I got yelled at by Mr. Assface because I was one minute late bringing him a copy when it was his goddamn fault. But anyway, that’s my morning. How’s it going here? Aside from Mr. Hotshot apparently leaving seconds before I came in.”

“Can you not call him that? He does have a name, you know.”

“Yeah, and what is that name?”

Zuko didn’t have an answer, and that was the way it normally was. It wasn’t exactly that Zuko was _bad_ at talking to people, but that he was so horrendously awkward, when placed in front of an attractive boy, he lost all ability to string together coherent thoughts. In fact, Mai could name at least four separate occasions during which she had to translate for his unintelligible, babbling, heavily-masked-by-lisping tangents. Not that she was all that much better or that she could somehow act like she was smooth.

Whereas Zuko had a habit of rambling when faced with a boy he found pretty, Mai tended to go silent upon meeting a beautiful girl. It was only thanks to Zuko and his prodding that she made the first move with Ty Lee in the beginning, and it was due to the way she’d ignored him that they ended up losing touch. Mai stirred her tea lamely, her deep brown gaze stuck on the steaming drink. She shouldn’t have still missed Ty Lee, not after so long, but that week was the same week they first met and for some reason, she still had it in her to remember that.

“Hey, kids, look at this.” Mai was only snapped out of her daydream when Zuko’s Uncle Iroh walked up, holding a flyer in his hands. The words on the page were colorful, familiar, and the moment she saw them, Mai’s heart skipped a beat. “The traveling circus is coming to town this weekend. Perhaps you and Mai ought to the day off and go relax. It’s been a while since you’ve gone out together.”

“Why would we need to go out together?” asked Zuko, already turning to start a new pot of tea. “We hang out in here all the time. If we go anywhere else, there’s just going to be _more_ people getting on our nerves.”

Mai should have been listening to the ridiculous argument that her best friend was getting into with his uncle, but she was too distracted. Too distracted by the little flyer and the tiny, almost unidentifiable image of a girl as part of the collage on the center of it. Most people wouldn’t have recognized her tiny, pixelated face, but Mai knew those braids anywhere. She knew everything from the curve of her hips to the way she held her finger on the ground beneath her in that beautiful, amazing, utterly unnatural way. Mai blinked when she heard someone say her name.

“Sorry, what?” Both Zuko and his uncle were looking at her expectantly, leading her to believe she’d missed something important. “I wasn’t ignoring you; I was just reading this pamphlet. I’m pretty into the… animals.”

“Wow, for a second there, I thought you were going to say, ‘pretty girls’.” The look on Zuko’s face when she shot daggers into his eyes was easily worth it. He threw his hands up in defense immediately, taking a step back from the counter. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that. I just remember that’s where you met Ty Lee. When I was off—”

“Flirting with pencil guy, I remember. I can’t believe you actually liked that guy. Did he ever _stop_ chewing on those things? Who even _likes_ erasers?”

“Can you stop judging my bad taste for one minute? Yeah, I liked pencil guy and maybe I have a _tiny_ thing for hot motorcycle guy, but that’s entirely irrelevant right now because that’s Ty Lee’s circus, isn’t it?”

“How did you know?” Mai’s heart pounded faster, her gaze shifting down to the pamphlet before she looked back up to meet Zuko’s gaze. He shrugged, gesturing to the way that she’d looked to the advertisement. “Yeah, so it’s her circus. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to go.”

“What do you mean, ‘it doesn’t mean you’re going to go’? Obviously, you’re going to go.” The way he spoke was overly definitive, as if he truly had no doubts that she would do as he said despite how awkward it would be for her to show up. “You were in love with her, Mai. Don’t you want to see her again?”

“Yeah, no shit, I want to see her again. But I broke her _heart_ , Zuko. She asked me to go with her and I said ‘no’ just so I could stay here with my shitty parents and their shitty company. How am I supposed to face her now, after all this time, and tell her that I made the wrong decision? That she was right, and I ruined everything over nothing?”

“You buy her a thing of cotton candy?” Zuko lurched when Mai reached out to slap him. “What? That’s what she did when she was trying to win _you_ over.”

“I know, but I don’t want to be tacky and rehash the same shit, that’s just dull.” It was a flimsy excuse, and she knew it, but she didn’t know how else to get out of the situation. Zuko knew how much she cared for Ty Lee, and he wouldn’t just let her get away by saying she was afraid. Not that she was afraid, but maybe she was. Just a little. “Anyway, I’m not going, and you can’t change my mind on that. Circuses are not my scene.”

“But Ty Lee is.”

For some reason, that was the line that stuck in Mai’s head. That was the thing she kept thinking about the rest of the day and as she laid down in bed, staring at the circus flyer she’d taken home from the Jasmine Dragon. Ty Lee was there, she confirmed upon closer inspection, just as Mai thought she was. One of the main acts, of course, because she was just that amazing. Mai couldn’t help but notice how happy she looked as she stood there in the photograph, surrounded by her family of circus freaks, as she always called them. Zuko was right and she hated it. The circus wasn’t her scene and yet, somehow, all she wanted was to be there with Ty Lee.

She crumbled the flyer in the palm of her hands, throwing it across the room into the trash bin beneath her desk. Doing her best to ignore what the butterflies in her stomach were telling her, Mai dragged her hands down her face and flopped back into the pillows. Her apartment was small, nothing special, and mostly covered in the drabbest of colors, but it was hers. It was hers and every time she looked up to the ceiling above her and saw that bright pink heart stuck right over her bed, she remembered when it was all but Ty Lee’s too.

They never lived together, but they might as well have. Ty Lee stayed with Mai almost every night after she got her own apartment, wanting to get out of her own house for as long as she could. She’d wrap herself in her fuzzy pink blanket, snuggling into Mai’s arms while they watched those foreign lesbian films that she liked so much. Sometimes, Mai would look at the DVDs that Ty Lee left behind and think about watching one of them. She never did. The idea sounded like it would make her feel better, but she knew it would only make things worse.

Leading up to that weekend, Mai ignored each and every text from Zuko which suggested she go to the circus and walked out of the Jasmine Dragon the moment he steered the conversation in that direction. It didn’t matter if she wanted to see Ty Lee, too much time had passed. It was too late. She ignored each advertisement she passed for it, trying to keep her mind from lingering on the girl in the beautiful pink bodysuit, but it kept happening anyway. She kept looking at them and wishing that she could be there with her.

And somehow, that must’ve gotten stuck in the back of her head because Saturday morning, she was at the Jasmine Dragon picking Zuko up for the circus. She didn’t warn him or call ahead or admit that he was right and she couldn’t stop herself from going, she just pulled up outside the shop and honked the horn until he came outside; barefoot and dressed in his sweats with his hair in the world’s messiest topknot. Mai rolled her eyes, rolling down the window on the passenger side door.

“Go get dressed, twink,” she called, ignoring the annoyed look on Zuko’s face as he crossed his arms. “We’re going to the circus. Oh, but you going to have to sit in the back today. Tom-Tom called shotgun.”

Tom-Tom, Mai’s younger brother of elementary age, nodded enthusiastically. “Mom and Dad don’t let me sit up front yet but Mai lets me do it every time.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed that.” Zuko gave Mai a look when he stepped forward to tussle Tom-Tom’s hair. “You’re not really going to drag me to this thing with you though, right?”

“Zuko, you’re the one who kept saying I need to go. I’m not doing it without you.”

“Please, Zuko?” Tom-Tom was almost bouncing up and down in his seat, his eyes wide with excitement. “I really, really want to go to the circus. I haven’t been since I was two!”

“Okay, okay, fine.” He let out a sigh, shaking his head as he dragged his hands through his loose hairs. “I just have to get dressed and I’ll be down in a minute. I’m sure Uncle won’t mind if I take the day off.”

He was right, of course. Zuko was back outside not five minutes later, Iroh all but shoving him out the door with a to-go bag in his hands and chunky sunglasses on his face. He let out a sigh when he climbed into the backseat of Mai’s car, taking one of the teas and handing the rest of the bag up front. Tom-Tom took the pastries first, while Mai just took the black tea. Ty Lee always ordered fancy ones with lots of sugar, but Mai went plain with it. It was an odd, subtle reflection of their differences. She shook the thoughts from her mind. The day wasn’t about Ty Lee, it was about Tom-Tom and him getting to have fun.

The circus wasn’t far away and within half an hour, they were pulling into the parking lot. Mai was grateful for this, of course. She loved Zuko and she loved her brother too but being stuck with them both and their stupid chatter in a tiny little car was a bit too much for her. Zuko was great with kids, somehow, and he knew _exactly_ how to humor Tom-Tom in a way that got him laughing or babbling for ages. It was both a blessing and a curse, leaning far more toward the latter when they got out of the car and the talking didn’t stop.

Seeing Ty Lee’s face on the flyer wasn’t easy but seeing giant posters of her at the circus was even harder. Mai’s heart started to pound as they walked into the carnival—the event hosting the circus, of course, because they needed an _extra_ layer of cheer—and she felt Zuko reach out to her reassuringly. It was fine. Odds were, she wouldn’t even end up getting to see Ty Lee beyond her act. There was no reason to get anxious about speaking to her.

At first, Mai was able to just ignore all the cheeriness with the other losers who had to stand in line to get in, but the moment they walked through the gate, she was overwhelmed by the happy people running all around. It was not her scene and she was right about that, but it was exactly the kind of place she would’ve taken Ty Lee and Zuko was right about that too. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that stupid past Mai had to go and make that terrible decision. The one that split them apart. The one that tore the love of her life away from her forever.

“Can we get cotton candy?”

Tom-Tom’s excited words broke Mai from her thoughts. “Yeah, sure. Get whatever you want.”

“You probably shouldn’t have said that,” said Zuko, his eyes going wide when Tom-Tom latched on to his hand, dragging him over to the cotton candy stand. He had to turn back around to look at Mai, who snorted as she followed behind them. “At this age, kids haven’t quite learned how to tell the difference between truth and exaggeration. If you don’t correct it, he’s going to try and buy _— Tom-Tom!_ ”

Mai didn’t bother trying to respond, instead hanging back as Zuko got the cotton candy for her little brother. It was way too big for him and had way more sugar than he could ever need, but it didn’t matter. He was going to be burning off energy there all day anyway, so what did it matter if he had some sugar? She glanced around the field to the various vendors and attendees. It was crowded, very crowded, but not enough to stop her from noticing someone at one of the stands in the distance.

“Hey,” she started, when Zuko and Tom-Tom walked back over to her, a huge thing of cotton candy alongside them, “isn’t that Mr. Hotshot?”

Zuko’s face went red as his eyes followed her gaze. “I don’t know. Does it matter?”

“Yeah, it does. You’ve been dying to get to know him better for weeks. This is your opportunity.”

“I am not going to—” He cut himself off mid-sentence, glancing over to Tom-Tom before turning back to Mai with a smug smile tugging at his lip. “All right, how about this. I will go introduce myself to pretty boy over there if you go to the circus tent and at least _try_ to talk to Ty Lee.”

“I can’t,” Mai told him quickly, “I have to watch Tom-Tom.”

“No, you don’t. Tom-Tom and I were just talking about this when we got our cotton candy. He wants to hang out with me today. Right, kiddo?”

Tom-Tom nodded eagerly. “Zuko’s more fun. He lets me get the _big_ stuffed animals.”

“I know. Your room is practically flooded with them.” Though her tone toward Tom-Tom was gentle, Mai practically shot daggers into Zuko with her eyes. She glanced back over to Mr. Hotshot, then to the circus tent in the distance, and let out a sigh. “Fine, but I’m not making any promises. I doubt they’ll even let me in, honestly.”

“Yeah, but it’s worth a try, right?”

Mai didn’t get the chance to answer either way before Tom-Tom latched on to Zuko’s wrist and dragged him off in the other direction, pulling him towards some game. She took a deep breath as they disappeared into the crowd, repeating her friend’s words over and over again. It _was_ worth a try. Even if nothing came of it, even if it ended with a fight, it would all be worth it for the chance to see Ty Lee again.

She turned around, picking up her stride as she walked over to the circus tent. At some point during all that, Mai found a surge of confidence and she knew that if she waited, she would lose it and she would never get to see Ty Lee again. She didn’t stop walking, shoving through everyone who got in her way, until she made it to the circus tent, biting down on her lip when she stopped outside.

It hadn’t opened yet, so Mai really had no way in. Theoretically, she could walk right in and ask to see Ty Lee, but she had a feeling she would end up getting kicked out. So, instead, she stood there, entirely clueless as to what she should do. That is, until the flaps suddenly opened and out walked none other than Ty Lee herself—dressed in pink bodysuit and sweatpants with her hair in two braids as beautiful as ever.

Neither of them said a word. Ty Lee froze halfway out the tent while Mai swallowed hard, her eyes staring straight into the other girl’s. She was just as beautiful as she always had been, with bright brown eyes, shiny pink nail polish, and a bodysuit which sparkled in the sun. Mai opened her mouth to say something but couldn’t find the words. It had been almost a year since they saw each other last and she barely knew how to fill in the gaps. But she didn’t have to.

“Mai!” After a pause which lasted far too long, Ty Lee stepped forward and threw her arms around Mai’s neck, holding her close. Mai was stiff at first but quickly relaxed into the hug, lifting her own hands to hold Ty Lee’s waist. They held each other for a few seconds before pulling apart, Ty Lee’s eyes still wide in surprise. “What are you doing here? I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Yeah, Tom-Tom wanted to come.” Clearly, Ty Lee was happy to see her, and yet, Mai still couldn’t admit to the truth. Pathetic. She shoved her hands into the pockets on the front of her black and red dress, trying not to look too uncomfortable. “I had to bring him, so.”

“Right.” Ty Lee made a face, glancing around the area. “So… where is he?”

“Oh, shit. He’s with Zuko, sorry. I should’ve said that up front. Zuko got him cotton candy and lets him get all the stupidly big stuffed animals, so. Guess who his best friend for the day is.”

She laughed and it was the most beautiful sound Mai ever heard. “Poor Zuko. At least he’s good with kids?”

“Is he, though?” It was easy to pretend that nothing happened between them. Easier than trying to confront the fact that it had. “I think kids just latch on to him for some reason and he’s learned how to deal with it.”

“Hey, that’s what I did too. Have you eaten anything yet?” Mai shook her head. She’d had some black tea before, but she didn’t have any of the pastries or even a bite of cotton candy. “Okay, you want to go for a walk? They have a really great churro stand over there somewhere.”

Against her better judgment and her gut telling her the day would only end in heartbreak, Mai nodded and followed Ty Lee back into the crowd. She didn’t say a whole lot, just listening as Ty Lee pointed out different aspects of the carnival (things she liked, things she didn’t like, things Mai or Tom-Tom would like, etc.), and smiled and babbled in that beautiful, _beautiful_ way.

Once or twice, Mai wanted to reach out and hold Ty Lee’s hand, but then she remembered they weren’t together anymore, that they hadn’t been for a year, and she pulled herself back. It didn’t matter how lovely she looked or how adorable she was when she rambled on, Ty Lee wasn’t hers to touch. Mai kept her mouth shut until they reached the churro stand. She didn’t know if she could speak without telling Ty Lee every thought that came to mind.

“Here.” Ty Lee handed a churro over to Mai, smiling to the guy running the stand. She winked and waved as she turned around, gesturing down a different path. “He thinks I’m cute, so I get free stuff from him. I haven’t told him I’m a lesbian yet.”

Mai snorted. “I miss seeing you take advantage of unsuspecting men like that.”

“I miss seeing _you_ threatening to stab all the guys who try and make a move on me.” She smiled as she took a bite of her churro, then stopped when she looked down to Mai’s hands. She stayed silent for a little too long, leaving Mai clueless as to what she was thinking. “You kept it.”

“Kept what?”

“The bracelet I gave you.” Ty Lee pointed her churro at Mai’s left wrist, where the pink circle of material was looped around her arm. The look in her eyes was almost touched, looking back and forth between Mai’s arm and her gaze. “I figured you would’ve gotten rid of it after everything that happened.”

“And lose the only connection I had left to my best friend?” For once, she would be honest. For once, she would let Ty Lee know how she felt. “Please. Pink might not be my color but I’m willing to sacrifice that. Now, if you’d made it cyan, we’d be having a different conversation here right now.”

“I think you’d still be wearing it anyway.”

Though she wanted to, Mai couldn’t argue with the sincerity of her tone or her smile. Ty Lee was too charming, too perfect, and somehow, all Mai wanted to do was reach over and kiss her. But she couldn’t because she couldn’t have her. She gave up Ty Lee when she refused to travel with her, despite there being nothing left for her in the town. Despite her despising everything she was forced to grow up in and the job and path she was made to take. She shook the thoughts from her head. Dwelling on the past wouldn’t fix anything.

Most of what they said was mindless chatter. Ty Lee continued to point out different stands and events until she led Mai over to the ring toss, and then they both made absolute fools of themselves losing despite Mai’s incredible aim. There was no joy in winning, it was in being a dork with her old best friend where Mai found the real pleasure. Where she found herself smiling and laughing in a way she hadn’t done since they parted.

“A year of traveling with the circus,” said Mai, after the umpteenth failed round of ring toss, “and you never got any better at that game?”

“In my defense, we don’t always show up at events like this,” Ty Lee told her, gesturing to a drinks stand and checking the time on her phone before she walked over. She should’ve been in practice and Mai knew it, but she didn’t say a word. “And even when we do, I don’t usually get a chance to wander around that much. I’m actually missing some of my prep time right now.”

“Oh, shit. You want to go back over there?”

“And miss out on getting to talk to you for the first time in a year? No, thank you. I’ve done my routine enough times. Believe me, I know what I’m doing. I haven’t made any significant mistakes since the great fall of fourth grade.”

“It’s the _great_ fall now, is it?” Mai smirked and nudged Ty Lee’s shoulder, to which she rolled her eyes playfully. “Here, I thought it was a catastrophic failure.”

“It was not that bad!”

“Wasn’t it, though? You broke like eight bones.”

“Yeah, but they’re all still here, aren’t they?” Ty Lee held up her arms for Mai to see, biting down on her lip and giggling when she looked up to her eyes. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Because she was still in love with her. Because she thought that after a year, everything was over, but it wasn’t. The moment she saw Ty Lee step out of that tent, every feeling and emotion came rushing back at full force and all she wanted was to hold her in her arms again. Mai made a bold move and reached out for her hand. Ty Lee loved physical contact from her friends. Holding hands wasn’t inherently romantic. It was okay.

Except the moment their fingers laced together, the butterflies flew through her stomach and it took everything for her to resist turning and kissing Ty Lee on the cheek. That wouldn’t be seen as platonic. It could have been, but after a whole year apart, it was too much. She didn’t pull away but gestured for Ty Lee to move on. Mai was only holding her hand to make it easier to navigate the crowd. That was it. Nothing special to see there.

It was perfect while lasted, Mai clinging to Ty Lee’s hand and listening as she rambled on about her adventures in the circus. Mai didn’t have much to say about her own life, struggling to find any positives in the world she’d chose to stay in. She never wanted to work at her parents’ company and she never wanted the degree she was finishing up either. She just did as she was told. Her entire life, she did as she was told. Except for then, when her mind told her to let go of Ty Lee’s hand and she refused.

At least, until Tom-Tom came running at Ty Lee out of nowhere and Mai released her grip so her brother wouldn’t fall to his doom.

“Hey, Tom-Tom!” said Ty Lee cheerfully, slowly lowering him to the ground. She glanced around them, frowning when she looked back to the little boy. “It’s been a while, huh? I thought Mai told me Zuko was watching you.”

“Yeah, they were walking too slow, so I ran ahead when I saw you guys.” Obviously, Mai had to prompt him to know who ‘they’ were, and he only shrugged. “Zuko and Sokka. It was really fun when we were playing games because Sokka is really good at them but now they’re just talking about school and it’s really boring.”

“Mr. Hotshot.” Mai snorted when she glanced out to the crowd, finally noticing where Zuko was slowly walking alongside the guy from the tea shop. She wanted to tell him off for letting Tom-Tom run ahead, but he was clearly already flustered and awkward enough, so she decided to let it go for once. “They’ve been flirting at the Jasmine Dragon for like, a month. Zuko still doesn’t know his name. Or didn’t. I assume he does now.”

“You never know, some people forget to ask.” She was, of course, referring to their first encounter, during which Mai never once asked for Ty Lee’s name. It wasn’t until after when she realized she’d run into the most beautiful girl in the world and didn’t even know who she was. “Hey, Tom-Tom, you want to see what the back of the circus tent looks like?”

“Yeah!” Tom-Tom bounced up and down, an excited grin on his face. “Do you have animals? Mai said that there are animals at the circus.”

“We do have animals. I’ll talk to my friend, maybe she’ll let you meet some of them.” Ty Lee hesitated, glancing back up to Mai. “But only if that’s okay with you. I don’t want to get in the way of anything you had planned.”

“Believe me, even if I had anything planned, it’s all gone out the window.” Mai confirmed that when she glanced back over her shoulder and found a blush on Zuko’s face she hadn’t seen since Pencil Guy. “Besides, like you said. It’s our only chance to talk for who knows how long. Might as well make the most of it, right? Zuko. Zuko! _Zuko!_ Yeah, he’s not listening.”

“All right, come on.”

The laugh that escaped Ty Lee’s lips when she spoke was soft and sweet and it made Mai want to kiss her like she had before all the shit hit the fan. Before she threw everything away for a life she never even wanted. Mai shook herself off and reached out for Tom-Tom’s hand, not wanting to lose track of him in the crowds. She’d already lost one child she came with, no reason to be rid of them both. Especially not the one she was legally in charge of.

On the way back to the circus tent, Ty Lee resumed her rambling, but this time, it was fueled by the questions Tom-Tom asked her. She told him all about the platypus bears, the lion vultures, the elephant moose, and whatever else came to mind. Mai didn’t say much herself. She didn’t feel like she had to. Being able to listen to Ty Lee talk about the things she loved after so long was more than enough. She reached into her pocket to grab her phone, just to let Zuko know they had Tom-Tom in case he popped out of his gay haze and realized the kid was missing.

“All right,” said Ty Lee, lifting the opening of the tent, “I’m not usually allowed to bring people back here, but I think it’ll be okay for you since you’re such a good kid, right? Okay, come on. You’re going to love this so much.”

Ty Lee reached out for Tom-Tom’s other hand to lead the way, so he was sort of sandwiched between them. Not that he seemed to mind it at all. He only smiled broader and skipped at their sides, his eyes going wide when they stepped into the tent. It was just the same as every circus tent Mai had seen before, but Tom-Tom hadn’t been in one before, so it was extra special for him. The bright red and pink colors of the fabric on the walls, the platform that Ty Lee would dive from during her performances—of everything Mai expected from that day, the nostalgia was a serious slap in the face.

For a while, she said nothing. Only following along as Ty Lee showed Tom-Tom around the tent and introduced him to the different circus performers. Mai didn’t feel like she needed to intrude on the moments, just watched and listened and admired how beautiful Ty Lee looked in her shining pink bodysuit and sparkly makeup. Her braids were the perfect shade of brown, glistening gold whenever the sunlight caught a glimpse of them through the tent. Once or twice, Mai thought Ty Lee realized how she was looking at her, but she did her best to pull it back.

At least, until she caught Ty Lee looking at her in what must’ve been the same way and then suddenly, she didn’t know what to do anymore.

So, instead of trying to ask about the look or initiate the conversation they needed to have since the moment she left, Mai kept her mouth shut. She watched as Ty Lee finished showing Tom-Tom everything and as she was dragged away for final preparations before the show. It was all too familiar. All too reminiscent of the last time Mai stepped out of the tent and left the love of her life behind. She stopped just before leaving the tent, one hand still clinging to Tom-Tom as she lifted her gaze back to Ty Lee.

“We’ll come back to see your show,” she said.

“I’ll save you a seat in the front.” Ty Lee’s smile said more than her words, the twinkle in her eyes thanking Mai for not repeating her same mistake. “Don’t be late.”

“I promise.”

Neither of their gazes shifted until Tom-Tom suddenly yanked on Mai’s arm and dragged her away from the tent and back out into the crowds. He quickly found a hundred more things he wanted to do—snacks to try, toys to look at, games to play—but Mai couldn’t find the focus to do more than keep an eye on him as he did that. Her eyes kept drifting back over to the tent, her thoughts wandering off as she wondered what Ty Lee might be doing at that moment, even though she already knew.

From the time they first became friends, Mai was always there for Ty Lee’s practices. She watched in awe as she did things Mai could never dream of, gave her advice and corrections based on notes Ty Lee made for herself, and admired her beautiful laugh and her smile each time she looked down and saw her girlfriend sitting there on the sidelines. Those were some of the best days of Mai’s life. Just her and Ty Lee, hanging around after hours to kiss each other in the stands.

“Hey.” Mai jumped when she heard the voice behind her, only turning around when she saw Zuko’s distinguishing scar out of her peripheral. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Thanks for the text, I thought Tom-Tom got kidnapped for a minute there.”

“Yep, and it would be all your fault because you were too caught up with Mr. Hotshot to pay attention.” She smirked when his face went red, rolling her eyes and glancing over to where Tom-Tom was trying to fill a plastic clown’s mouth with a water gun. “You want to tell me how it went?”

Zuko shrugged. “It was okay. He’s really nice and _seriously_ smart. I thought it was going well and then he said he had to catch up with his friends. I asked him to sit with me during Ty Lee’s show later but honestly, I doubt he’s going to show up. I was really fucking awkward.”

“Well, if he doesn’t like your awkward, then he doesn’t deserve you. And if you need to drown your sorrows, there are some clowns over there just begging to be shot. Love Tom-Tom’s enthusiasm, but his aim is not there.”

“Give him a break, he’s like, three.” The look on Mai’s face must’ve expressed just how far off Zuko was in his number, because he sighed and changed the subject. “Okay, well, that’s my day. Did you see Ty Lee?”

“Yeah.” That was the information she omitted from her text. All she said was that she took Tom-Tom. Not _where_ she took him. Mai twisted her pink bracelet around her wrist, her unconscious mind drifting to thoughts of Ty Lee. “Yeah, I saw her. Just as peppy as ever.”

“You miss her.”

“No shit. But there’s nothing I can do about it. I made my choice when I blew her off last year. She’s not going to ask me to come with her again, I’m not _ever_ going to ask her to stay here, and there’s no way long distance would ever work. Like it or not, it just isn’t meant to be.”

It was obvious that Zuko had something else to say on the matter, but Mai didn’t give him the chance. Tom-Tom finished with his game and she took the opportunity to get him talking, interrupting whatever other thoughts they had in mind. Zuko gave her a look, saying that he knew _exactly_ what she was doing, but he didn’t confront her about it. She was grateful for that, and his overarching silence through the months after she left. Mai didn’t want to talk about things, and he understood that better than anyone.

Thanks to how well he understood her, Zuko didn’t try to bring up Ty Lee again, just mocking idiots like they always did and playing with Tom-Tom whenever he was asked. He humored the kid for the most part, recognizing that Mai wasn’t in the mood to be messing around despite where they were. All she really wanted was to be back in the tent, watching Ty Lee fly through her routine, and to be there at the end to catch her. To give her a big hug and a kiss and tell her how amazing it was when she could do all those things.

But when she finally got back into the tent, after far too much popcorn and far too many games, all she could do was sit down. Ty Lee saved them a few seats in the front, just as she’d promised, but it still wasn’t the same as being there in the center with her. Flirting between practice sessions and joking about Mai becoming a professional knife thrower and joining the troupe with Ty Lee. She genuinely considered the idea for a while. Running away and leaving everything behind. Then she went home to Tom-Tom and realized she couldn’t leave. Not if she couldn’t bring him with her.

Speak of the devil, Tom-Tom was practically bouncing up and down in his seat, rambling to Zuko about all the animals he’d seen earlier. Zuko kept giving Mai looks whenever Ty Lee was mentioned, but he never said a word about it. He stayed silent for most of Tom-Tom’s chatter, just smiling and nodding along when it was appropriate. Then his gaze shifted away, and Mai turned to follow it, rolling her eyes when she caught sight of Mr. Hotshot walking in with a group of friends. She flicked Zuko, trying to get him to stop creepily staring and thankfully, it seemed to work.

“Hey.” Mr. Hotshot had a distinctive look with the sides of his head shaved, sparkling blue paint on his fingers, and about thirty-two earrings piercing his skin, but there must’ve been something there that Mai’s lesbian eyes didn’t catch because Zuko’s entire face was red again in an instant. “Is it okay if I take you up on that offer?”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely.” Zuko was ridiculously awkward in his tone but the guy he was talking to wasn’t any more comfortable in his stance, and Mai felt they would make a good pair. She twisted the bracelet around her wrist again, glancing up to the curtains as she searched for that familiar pink. “Unless you’re just trying to steal our front row seats.”

“What?”

“I was joking! That was a joke! Fuck. Sorry. We have a friend in the circus, and— well, sort of, it’s—” He snapped his mouth shut when Mai kicked his foot, giving him _the look_. The one they’d exchanged ever since high school, to let each other know when their disaster gay nature was going too far. “What I was _trying_ to say was, yes. Please sit with me.”

“Okay.” Admittedly, he did have a nice smile. Mai was overly critical of _anyone_ Zuko flirted with because she was just that protective, but she felt like this one was on a good path. He sat down beside Zuko, their legs a little too close together. He opened his mouth to say something to Zuko, stopping when Tom-Tom leapt at him first. “Hey! Nice to see you again, little buddy. You ever been to a circus before?”

It was the nostalgia that got her. The way the boys talked about the circus and the performers and Ty Lee. To Tom-Tom, it was just aimless babbling about the things she showed them and what she used to do when she came over to their house, but for Mai, they were memories. Memories of the best days of her lives, stolen away from her by an impulsive, stupid decisions.

She managed to last through the first few performers but by the time the music started for Ty Lee’s performance—a year might have passed but she would’ve recognized that familiar tune on her damn deathbed—everything became too much. Mai rose to her feet suddenly, pulling away before Zuko could latch on to her wrist. More than anything in the world, she wanted to sit down and enjoy the show and be happy for her ex-girlfriend, but she _couldn’t_. She couldn’t just sit there and watch and not be able to end the night in the same way that she used to.

Mai walked right over to the exit, stopping only for one last look over her shoulder. That was enough. She caught sight of Ty Lee’s bright pink, sparkling bodysuit the moment she stepped in front of the crowd. She was gorgeous, as always. Her makeup glittering in the light and her brown eyes glistening at every angle. Her long brown braids hung behind her as she started to move, the crowd cheering for her appearance. Mai didn’t cheer with them. Instead, she only moved to twist her bracelet around her wrist. For good luck, Ty Lee used to joke.

Though she fully meant to walk out of there without so much as a ‘goodbye’, Mai found herself captivated by the show and couldn’t stop herself from watching. Each movement Ty Lee made, each step she took, was incredible. Her smile when she met the audience was the most beautiful thing that Mai had ever known and all she could think was how badly she wished it could be directed at her. That Ty Lee would run off stage right into her arms and hold her and kiss her just the way she used to every time before.

She left the moment the applause started up again. Without Ty Lee’s acrobatics and distracting, shiny suit, Mai had nothing to keep her thoughts from drifting to places she knew they couldn’t go. She would wait outside until Zuko brought Tom-Tom back. She would wait outside until she found the courage to admit aloud that she was still in love with Ty Lee and regardless of what happened and all the mistakes she made at the end, a part of her always would be. Even if it hurt a lot to think about.

Mai sat down on a seat just a little way away from the tent, not wanting to stray too far and miss when Zuko and Tom-Tom came out. She said not one word to anyone, only glaring at those who tried to sit down beside her. She didn’t want to be interrupted by anyone, much less strangers who could never understand the situation she was trying to process. Mai twisted the bracelet around her wrist yet again, blinking down at it when the shiny material sparkled beneath the sunlight.

It was her birthday when Ty Lee gave her that gift. She thought it was ridiculous at first and wondered why Ty Lee would ever give her something that was so seriously not her color, but then she realized it was homemade. It was crafted from the supplies she had in her bedroom and it was so, so beautiful. Just like the woman who made it. Mai bit down on her lip, her gaze stuck on her boots but turning away when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. Something the same color as her bracelet. Pink, sparkling, moving in that ever so distinctive way.

“Hi.” Ty Lee didn’t ask before sitting down, and Mai didn’t ask her to move. “I saw you leave. Too many idiots in there again?”

Mai snorted before shaking her head. Of course, she had to make reference to past exclamations. “Too many memories.”

Ty Lee didn’t respond immediately, only nodding as she turned to look at her own feet. It was only when the sun came out from the clouds that Mai realized she had sparkles in her hair and on her cheeks too. Not that she needed any extra effects to show just how utterly gorgeous she was. Her smile and bright eyes did that all on their own, with little help from the accessories. Mai loved them regardless. They were so distinctly _her_.

“You know, I was never mad at you for staying,” said Ty lee. Mai blinked. She did not know that. “To be honest, I was never really sure that you were coming in the first place. I wanted you to, I really did, but your whole life you’ve been building up to this career with your parents and I know I asked, but I really can’t imagine you giving that up.”

“Yeah.” Except, the only thing Mai ever wanted _was_ to give that up. She never wanted to be a part of the family business in the first place, she only did it because that was what she was raised to do. That was the safe path, the one she thought she was destined to follow. “But you were right, Ty Lee. I should have come with you. I don’t want to be a part of my parents’ shit show, I just don’t know what life is like without it.”

“Well, personally, I think it’s a lot better, but I might be biased because I also think life is a lot worse without you.”

“That’s funny because I was about to say I think life is better wherever _you_ are. I don’t want to be sappy or anything but life my life fucking sucks without you in it. This past year without you has been one of the worst of my life and it’s not even that it was that much different, it’s just that I’ve felt like something was missing. Then I saw you up there, doing your thing, and I knew it. I knew that even after an entire year apart, my stupid ass—”

Mai didn’t get the chance to finish her thoughts before Ty Lee turned and pressed their lips together. She slid a hand on one of Mai’s cheeks, gently stroking her skin as their bodies melted into each other the way they had so many times before. Mai wrapped her fingers around Ty Lee’s hip, gently squeezing her silky suit as she used her other hand to brush away the hairs that escaped her braids during her performance.

Even though it had been well over an hour, Ty Lee still tasted like candy and it was the same sweetness Mai remembered. A perfect reflection of her personality, leaving behind a souvenir in the form of light pink lipstick on Mai’s cheek. She hadn’t smiled like she did through their kiss in far too long, all her doom and gloom finally fading away if only for a little moment. If only until Ty Lee pulled away and slid into herself on the other side of the bench, her face bright pink and her eyes staring in front of her.

That was always the hardest thing for Mai. Not just about her relationship with Ty Lee, but her relationship with anyone. She was emotionally repressed, and she always had been. That was how she was raised. To bury her emotions and put the business in the front. To present herself always as a threat rather than vulnerable. So, when the feelings filled her stomach or worse, affected someone around her, she didn’t know how to respond. This was no exception, and she was left choosing to say the only thing she knew how.

“You want me to win you another pink plushie?”

It was a tacky line. Probably the tackiest thing that could have possibly come out of her mouth. But it worked. The moment she said the words, asked the same question she’d asked Ty Lee every time she visited her at one of those carnivals before, she earned a smile. A smile that Mai couldn’t help but return. She held out a hand to Ty Lee and the other girl took it quickly, their fingers lacing around each other. Mai stopped right before they passed the entrance of the tent, turning to look at Ty Lee.

“The show,” she whispered, glancing over to the tent.

Ty Lee only shrugged. “I don’t have to go on again for another half an hour.”

So, they ran. It was Ty Lee who dragged Mai forward at first, pulling her over to the games as quickly as she could. Mai was easily the best at the ring toss (despite her enjoyable failures) and the milk jugs thanks to her careful precision, and that’s right where they went back to. Ty Lee pointed to one of the fluffiest pink stuffed animals that Mai had ever seen hanging above one of the game stands, laughing as she demanded that one for her prize. Mai nodded. She would have to score a perfect game to get it, but that wasn’t difficult. Not when she really tried.

Mai set up her first shot slowly, her eyes narrowed and her hands moving with careful precision. It wasn’t just a game; it was a present for Ty Lee. She twisted the pink bracelet around her wrist—for good luck—and made her first shot. Perfect. The second one was even better, the third right on the spot, and before she knew it, she was taking down her prize and spinning back around to face Ty Lee. The grin on Ty Lee’s face as she took the toy was beautiful, but Mai didn’t get time to truly process it before Ty Lee pressed a kiss to her cheek and her entire brain short-circuited.

Though Ty Lee squeezed the plush toy close to her with one hand, she left the other free to reach out to Mai again, making her blush even harder. As she stood there in the chill, nearly-autumn heat with Ty Lee, their fingers laced around each other, people laughing in the distance, and the wind blowing in their hair, Mai realized that what she always wanted wasn’t what she had. Obviously, the family business and a lifetime of repression weren’t what she wanted, but never before had it been so clear.

“Where are you going next?” asked Mai suddenly, stalling their already slow walk back to the circus tent.

“I don’t remember,” Ty Lee answered, her eyes flickering back and forth across Mai’s face. The look was genuine, not trying to hide information from Mai, and her fingers gave Mai’s a squeeze which said even more than that. “I think somewhere up north. Why do you ask?”

“Why do you think?”

“You want to know where to track me on Instagram?”

“Like I haven’t been stalking you all year.” When Ty Lee gave her a look, Mai nudged her shoulder playfully. “What? I’m not _really_ a stalker, I just never unfollowed your troupe, so your schedule pops up on my feed all the time. I wasn’t waiting for you to come back into town or anything.”

“Really?” She nodded, though her tone was anything but convinced. “So, you really just came to bring Tom-Tom? Even though you’ve left him with Zuko for basically the entire day so far? Okay. I believe you. You definitely came here to have fun with Tom-Tom and not to come see me.”

“Exactly. Now you get it.”

Mai didn’t laugh a lot. She didn’t laugh a lot but the sound that came out of her mouth right then was a release that her body had needed for months at that point. She laughed and laughed as Ty Lee joined in, then placed her hands on either side of that beautiful face and pulled her in for another kiss, flipping off anyone who gave them weird looks for making out in the middle of the crowd. Her skin was soft, but her hands were softer and each time she wrapped her fingers around Ty Lee’s, Mai’s heart skipped a beat.

They didn’t let go of each other the whole way back to the tent, but they didn’t say a lot of words either. Just held each other and soaked in the time that they had. Mai refused to let it be the last. Maybe they only had a few more minutes together that day, since Ty Lee had to get back to work and Mai had to bring her brother home, but that didn’t mean it had to be the end. That didn’t mean that she had to walk away this time and abandon everything she’d ever wanted.

When they stepped back into the tent, Ty Lee pecked Mai’s cheek one more time, squeezing her hand before disappearing behind the curtains. Mai watched her go, her shiny pink bodysuit and the stuffed toy in her hands both glistening in the peeking sunlight. It wasn’t until Ty Lee was entirely out of view when Mai finally walked back to her seat, flopping down beside Zuko, on the side opposite to where Tom-Tom was sitting between him and Mr. Hotshot; captivated by the act in front of him.

“Did you talk to her?” Zuko’s voice was low, his gaze still pointed at the performers, despite his focus clearly being split between Mai and the pretty boy to his left. She only shrugged, and he rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms. “So, that’s a yes, but you’re not going to tell me the details of any of it?”

“I am not,” Mai confirmed, not shifting her own eyes away from the stage. She wouldn’t give him that much satisfaction. When she was good and ready she would tell him about what happened, but not until then. Well, maybe just one hint. “Hey, Tom-Tom.”

“What?” He twisted his shirt in his hands, unable to stop staring at the animals in front of him.

“How do you feel about us joining the circus?”

Tom-Tom never agreed to anything more passionately and that was the only confirmation Mai needed that she was making the right decision. That those were the dreams she was meant to follow. She let herself smile again as she settled back into her seat, waiting for Ty Lee to come back on stage again. It was there that she would watch her for the first time in years but a hundred miles away where she would finally be able to kiss her again. It was there where they first reunited their hands but on the road where they would truly reconnect.

It wasn’t easy finding a way to bring Tom-Tom with them, convincing her parents that it wasn’t kidnapping, and she would bring him back when she was ready (she wouldn’t be), but it was worth it. Having him in the backseat with them as they drove across the country, singing along to stupid songs and doing each other’s hair in silly ways before they fell asleep. Mai even let Ty Lee dress her up in a pink sweater one day. It was a pale pastel and more subtle than many of Ty Lee’s clothes, so it was okay. It smelled like her shampoo.

At least once a day and often more than that, Zuko called up both to make sure they were okay and to gush about his new boyfriend. Mai learned his name at some point but never got past her teasing nickname of Mr. Hotshot, especially after learning more about him. Her assumptions weren’t wrong. He absolutely deserved it, even if he was ridiculously kind, gentle, and apparently hilarious in every anecdote Zuko recounted. Mai still insisted on video chatting him once after he and Zuko became official. She had to make sure her best friend was in good hands.

Given that she had a great in with one of the performers, Mai had no trouble getting herself into the circus and quickly became their most popular knife thrower. Tradition was turned on its head when Ty Lee started to kiss Mai after her performances too, starting a cycle of blushing they never seemed to break. Not that it mattered. Mai was never happier than after a long day of performing, when they’d lay down outside and cuddle beneath the stars. Tom-Tom always jumped out eventually and broke it up but really, that was just part of the magic.

Of course, the absolute best part of being in the circus was just being able to spend time with Ty Lee. Holding her hand at any time, winning her pink plush souvenirs at every event they went to, and doubling up on her tradition for good luck by adding an extra kiss on the lips. Sometimes, Mai missed the Jasmine Dragon and being able to see her best friend every day, but she never missed her old life or the expectations that came with it. She never regretted the decisions she made because they all led up to this.

Coming home to those bright brown eyes and shiny pink bodysuit.

Watching Ty Lee smile and perfect each and every act.

Being there with her.

Always.


End file.
